Perhaps you’ve noticed that I’ve been going deeper into my life here on the blog. It took years of countless prayers and soul searching to reach this point, but I’ve finally been feeling both ready to share more about my past and that it is the right time for me to do so.
I know there are some people who believe that it is never okay to do this. Many people think that it is always wrong to talk about abuse or trauma or anything related to emotional or mental health. I know this because I spent most of my life listening to people who held this belief, but I finally came to terms with the fact that the only way to keep over 20 years of my life off of my blog is if I stopped blogging entirely. And I know that’s what some people believe I should do, but it’s not what I believe.
Ultimately my focus here on the blog is healing. But I’ve learned that I can’t talk about my healing journey authentically if I don’t first acknowledge the things I’ve been needing healing from. And I’ve also learned that I’m not the only person who has had to suffer abuse from the hand of a “Christian” or the only person who has been told by church leaders that I have to suffer that abuse silently.
I spent two decades needing to hear the words I’ve finally been brave enough to write. If I would’ve stumbled across a blog when I was younger that talked about the things I’m finally beginning to talk about today, it would have saved me from so much suffering…both from the woman who abused me and from the people who were protecting her abuse. It would have saved my body, saved my mind, saved my spirituality, saved a part of every piece of me from so much unnecessary pain and trauma and confusion. And I know I can’t change the hard path that I’ve had to live. What’s done has been done. But I can still try to make it a little less hard and lonely and confusing for someone else.
I know that this aspect of my healing journey will not be for everyone though. That’s okay. You never have to read anything I or anyone else has written if you don’t want to…that is always your choice. I just hope that if you do choose to continue reading that you might also choose to be kind, gentle, empathetic, and merciful in response to the things that you read. I don’t ask this for my sake, because sadly I’ve already seen the worst of people in regards to this subject. But I ask this for the sake of the next Cassia you might come across in life, and the one after that. Maybe by offering kindness to me today it might make it easier for kindness and gentleness to be shown to them tomorrow. At least that is my hope and my prayer. Because ultimately I write about trauma and abuse because as much as we hate to acknowledge its existence, and as much as we want to believe that there is no way that children in the church are being abused, especially not at the hands of a female, it does happen.
The Bible says that the Jesus that Christians claim to believe in, live for, follow, and obey hates oppression (a Biblical word for abuse) and hates injustice. And it says that Jesus loves the broken. Loves the hurting. Loves the sick. Loves the misunderstood. And loves children so much that he compared the greatest people in the kingdom of heaven to them. And that is why I am sharing, and will continue to share, all aspects of my healing journey from here on out. I write not just for my own healing process or for the people who have walked a road similar to mine, but I also write for the children and for the people who, by God’s grace, will one day be brave enough to hear them.