Well, my doctor was correct. Both mold labs came back positive. Very positive. So we know that it is indeed mold in my body that has been making me so sick recently. The results showed that there are two different kinds of mold currently poisoning my body, one of which had numbers that were through the roof. Treatment will begin soon and with my levels might last two years.
When I first learned I had the mold levels that I did, I was incredibly discouraged. My usual stubborn determination that I could fight through and overcome everything that came my way seemed to disappear. I was already so tired. This year had already been so hard. I had already dealt with so much from my old landlord and suffered so much at her hands. It felt incredibly unfair that I still had to suffer the consequences of her actions to this degree even after all of that. I already fought so hard this entire year to be strong, to keep fighting for my health, to choose love, and to not give up, and now not only did I have to keep fighting for these things, but I had to muster up the strength to fight even harder than I already was.
It felt impossible. So much so, that for the first time in a long, long time –maybe even for the first time in my life– I had one thought that was stronger than all the others: I can’t do this. I’m not strong enough. Not this time.
But I know now that those thoughts are not true. Sure, this whole situation is incredibly unfair. And now that this mold ordeal is expected to last another couple years I find myself in a moral dilemma of having to decide all over again if I should press charges or not. But I am no longer letting the reality of those things color my perspective of everything else. Because the fact of the matter is that I am strong. I can do this. And you can bet that I won’t stop fighting until I get through to the other side.
I know who I am. I know who my God is. I know that I matter, and that I am loved. I also know amazing doctors. I know the healing power of medicines, and foods, and healthy perspectives. I know I have people cheering me on, believing in me, and praying for me. I know I am strong enough to face this, and that by God’s grace I will overcome.
So here’s to healing. Here’s to fighting. And here’s to hope.
Thank you for walking this journey with me. I appreciate you so, so much.